Body image: Go from Barbie envy to embracing your body

Most of us go through life singing some version of "The Bad Body Blues"

By Karen Shideler
McClatchy/Tribune Newspapers

July 20, 2006

Remember how Mom used to say, "You’re beautiful on the inside"? She might have had something there. Most of us go through life singing some version of "The Bad Body Blues" (my ankles are too thick, my arms are too skinny, I feel fat!) and being way too hung up on body image.

No matter our size, it’s tough not to sing that song, says Beth McGilley, a Wichita, Kan., psychologist who specializes in eating disorders, trauma and working with athletes: "We are a size-ist culture."

And yet, some of us have made peace with our bodies.

Lonely and insecure

The people who’ve done it make an impression on us: We all know the too-fat or too-skinny Plain Jane who draws everyone to her, like moths to a flame. Conversely, the most "beautiful" woman in the world may be lonely and insecure.

That’s because "body image is directly related to self-esteem, not attractiveness," McGilley says.

"When you’re in the presence of somebody who feels whole, you know it."

Is it easy to improve your body image? No.

McGilley, who works with people weighing 80 pounds and people weighing 400 pounds, says people with eating disorders need five to seven years of treatment, on average. And "the last thing that gets better is body image."

Is it possible to improve your body image? Most definitely.

Take a look at McGilley, a former anorexic who now celebrates "a body that allows me, at 45, to race my bike competitively."

She says, "I can climb mountains and enjoy being in the presence of my friends without having my body being a distracting companion."

McGilley still occasionally struggles. But if she’s feeling bugged by her body, "I know to go straight to my life" to see what’s leading to those feelings.

Tandra Crosby’s nickname was "Board" until she was a junior in high school. Since then, she has been a size 14 to 18. Five years ago, she says, she was selected to go to a workshop in Chicago with the Ford Models’ plus-size division. She put the opportunity on hold when she found out she was pregnant.

Crosby, 26, says the experience helped her with her body image, because the Ford people told her that the average American woman is a plus-size. As she started paying attention to women around her, she realized that many were wearing fashions she had considered inappropriate for her size — and were doing so comfortably. That boosted her confidence, and now, "I look good no matter what I wear."

She doesn’t obsess about diet and exercise but does try to eat healthy foods. "You’re not going to catch me walking around with a thing of crackers and water," she jokes. "If you catch me doing that, you’d better check me for a fever."

"For the most part, I am content with who I am and what I am," says Cristi McCaffrey-Jackson, 37.

A running joke

She credits her satisfaction, in part, to a running joke with the men she worked with at Cessna Aircraft. They’d been looking at some men’s magazine, and she told them they needed to start looking at real women, not those "who could barely lift 8 pounds if they tried." They bet she could be a model if she wanted — and she finally took them up on the bet, doing some modeling for local stores.

McCaffrey-Jackson says she has been big all her life. The Army considered her obese, she says, but she passed all the physical tests she was given. "Their ideal weight was 128 pounds, which my body hasn’t seen since maybe 7th grade."

She says she occasionally is still uncomfortable, but more because she has a hard time finding plus-size clothing that is neither too "grandmotherly" nor too young for her.

Psychologist Beth McGilley offers this advice for creating a healthier body image:

Listen to self-statements. Start telling yourself, "I have a place in this world. I deserve to be here."

Fat is not a feeling. When you say "I feel fat," what you mean may be "I feel stressed" or "I’m on my period" or "The day is out of control." McGilley says, "Fat is not a feeling. We all need to spread the word."

Surround yourself with "body positives," and reinforce each other’s feelings. It’s easier to feel good about yourself when you’re celebrating accomplishments than when you’re bemoaning gravity’s effects.

Don’t make your body carry all the weight of what’s going on with your life.

Don’t focus on appearance, insisting on full makeup to go to the mailbox. But don’t ignore it, either. Take care of yourself.

Find movement you love. Don’t "exercise" or "work out." Do run, swim, dance, skip, ride bikes — play. Can’t get started? Try to remember the sensation you loved as a child, and find a way to duplicate it. At least find something that makes you feel good after you do it. "There’s something out there for everybody, and your heart doesn’t know the difference," McGilley says.

Depending on which source you believe, if Barbie were human, she’d weigh 100 to 110 pounds and be between 5 feet 9 inches and 7 feet tall.

Her bust would be 39 inches; her waist, 19; her hips, 33.

And those tiny tootsies wouldn’t be nearly big enough to keep her from toppling over.

About Editor-in-Chief, Madeline Figueroa-Jones

Madeline hails from a close-knit NYC family and started her plus size modeling career with a spread in BBW magazine. In early 2003 Figueroa was selected to appear as the spokes model for the "Hips, Heels & Curves" Fashion Show, continuing on to casting director for the Dangerous Curves 2003/2004 Tour. After appearing on several television segments including Aqui Y Ahora for Univision she began reaching out to the plus size community by serving as a moderator for VenusDivas.com, Empowerment Editor for AmaZeMagazine.com. Madeline and her husband Luke reside in the Battery Park city area of NY and operate lucaspictures.net.

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